While introducing me to his friend, a friend said, “Do you know she is a gold medalist in economics?”

Instantly she interjected, “ghanta nahi ukhada maine!” (ghanta is a heartfelt north Indian slang word, loaded with emotions. This cannot be explained to the English-speaking audience.)

My response then was that even if nothing had been ‘uprooted’ because of that, excelling at something in the past is definitely an indication of aptitude. It can also boost confidence that we can excel in the present or future, especially when we charter in unknown territory or explore a new avenue in life and career. 

Upon reflection, though (and for the sake of creating such pieces, ha ha), I ruminate over another significant aspect of the acquaintance’s response. 

How we as individuals in our society are afraid of praise, or we consciously undermine our achievements. 

How we do not have a template for accepting praise gracefully, even when it is factual. 

I felt such a deep sense of empathy and relatability with that acquaintance. I thought I may have responded much like her had I been praised.

Maybe society forces humility. 

Because we as a species are still so influenced by our hunter-gatherer past that, for someone else to succeed or be winning at life seems like it is creating a lack for the rest of us. 
The morbid and fatal infliction of envy also arises out of such a state. 

There is a well-known saying in Hindi:

‘logo ko apne sukh se kam, dusro ke dukh se zyada sukh milta hai.’

I think of Shahrukh in his prime, Cristiano Ronaldo… ones who weren’t afraid of accepting and even projecting their stardom and success. But then people love and hate them for the same reason in equal measure. In contrast, celebs like Amitabh Bacchan, Rahul Dravid, Sachin Tendulkar, and Roger Federer elicit a lesser divided fandom of respect owing to their humble persona.

We worship greatness, but we do not want someone to embrace it. 

Perhaps there is a thin line between graciously accepting something one excels at and being haughty about it or at least appearing so. 

DIVINE HUMILITY

Humility is defined as the quality of not thinking you are better than others. 

Contrary to the definition, how do most of us project or understand humility in our lives?

To be self-effacing. 

In the Bhagavad Gita, Krishna boldly declares and reveals his divinity.
Krishna’s words may appear egotistical for those entrenched with the wrong idea of humility.
We should remember that Krishna, the most accomplished warrior of his time and age, chose to be a chariot driver! If one reads the scriptures or stories connected to Krishna, one would always find Krishna to be gentle, kind, and humble in His dealings. But while speaking the Gita, he is being factual rather than egotistical 🙂

From Shri Krishna’s example, we can learn:

1 How to balance accepting something you are good at while retaining humility.

2 Not allowing personal excellence to dim another’s light. For example, while Krishna expands on his divine opulence, He mentions that amongst the Pandavas, He is Arjuna. Hearing such a statement from an authoritative figure like Shri Krishna can boost a person’s morale tremendously.

3 Enabling the other to excel, as He did in Arjuna’s case. The wise ones know that Krishna orchestrated and won the war for the Pandavas. However, Krishna shared the credit with all the warriors who participated.

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PARTLY TRUE

A while back, I read somewhere that if someone compliments you and you negate that, you unconsciously tell the other person their judgment is wrong. 

I learned something fascinating from a great teacher Thich Nhah Hanh. I use the following learning (paraphrased in my own words) to retain humility while being complimented:

“When someone compliments you or points out something good within you, you can say that is only partly true. There are also faults within me.”

Similarly, the great teacher Thich Nhah Hanh says that if someone criticizes you, you can again say, “It is only partly true. There are good things within me as well.”

I have realized that this beautiful practice helps us retain our humility and dignity. 

YOGIC PERSPECTIVE

On retaining humility, there are some learnings to be derived from Bhakti yoga texts as well. 

1 When someone compliments you or points out a wonderful quality within you, you can bow down and receive it on behalf of your teachers, friends, or family who helped you develop that. This way, receiving a compliment can instill more gratitude within you.

2 A bhakti yogi practitioner is well aware that the only constant in this material world is change and impermanence. What is there right now may not be there tomorrow. Wealth, fame, beauty, and even knowledge can be taken away, if not while we are alive, then for sure at death. Knowing thus, a Bhakti yogi does not allow an inflated ego while accepting compliments.

3 A bhakti yogi also remains wholly aware and alert to the fact that qualities stem from a divine source. She refuses to take credit for any quality, creation, or manifestation. The Bhakti yogi practices radical humility, knowing that whatever good exists is just a spark of divine splendor.

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यद्यद्विभूतिमत्सत्त्वं श्रीमदूर्जितमेव वा ।
तत्तदेवावगच्छ त्वं मम तेजोऽशसम्भवम् ॥

Bhagavad Gita, 10.41

“Know that all opulent, beautiful, and glorious creations spring from but a spark of My splendor.”

BE CURIOUS

Mostly people feel less or jealous when they are ignorant of their own light. God, in all her glory, has given each person a unique individuality. No two leaves are the same, not even a fingerprint. 
If God can invest so much uniqueness in something as innocuous as a fingerprint, why would she not give each person some unique quality? Our job is to discover that. 

The ego thinks in terms of numbers. How influential is my impact, thinks the ego. The ego thinks it is only worthy enough if some quality is expanded on a grand scale. 
However, uniqueness can be expressed in something as simple as how someone folds their handkerchief, makes their bed, smiles, and so on. 

We can also assist other people by being curious about them and helping them see their uniqueness and light. This helps to avoid falling for the ego trap or being self-effacing when complimented. 

Let us all learn to give and receive heartfelt compliments, redefine humility, and embrace our God-given uniqueness. 

Looking forward to receiving feedback on the post,
Kushagra