On battling self-doubts

“Your voice never sounded so bad.”

“It’s too shrill.”

“You seem rushed”

“Why would you waste someone’s time with this crap?”

These were some of the ‘gentle’ thoughts that came running through my head as I worked on publishing my first ever episode on Wisdom From The Smiling Panda Podcast.

Previously in life, I have been a human who’s easily given up on things in life— be time a workout regime, pursuing higher education, relationships, work, humans, myself…
I took myself by surprise this time around by acknowledging, yet ignoring the debilitating voices that resonated in my head.

I published my first ever episode on 30th July’20. The people who’re close to me know this is a significant achievement for me; I’ve been dreaming of launching a Podcast since a year. Some lovely friends were quite appreciative of my effort and encouraged me with kind words. Others wisely and gently pointed out where I could improve. 🙂

In a previous blog post of mine, ‘Power of a Gaze‘, I highlighted how someone else believing in you can lead you to achieve good things in life.

But, what happens when the one whose faith you need win is yourself?

A battle with one’s own self can be hard. The seeds of self-doubt, the model of self-criticism is so deeply ingrained in some of us that sometimes even years of self-healing work can come short!

How did I then manage to publish the episode?

As mentioned above:

By acknowledging, yet ignoring the voices of doubt.

A lot of times on the path of spirituality, one tends to slip in need to be positive all the time. That means you cannot allow yourself the luxury to have doubts. However, that is just unnatural. One must acknowledge that we live in a world of duality. There will always be the play of yin and yang, positive and negative both outside and within you. What becomes important is who you choose to feed in such a situation.

Do you feed the negative and give in?

Or do you choose to accept it as a part of yourself, yet select what you know is for the higher good?

https://www.facebook.com/gary/posts/10158450172453350

I reflect that had I given in to the voice of the ego (doubts), I’d be deprived of the joy of creating something. I’m blessed to be humbly aware that my Podcast, speech and content needs tremendous improvement. I also do think though that often, it’s not about the end result but the process which matters 🙂

I loved how I spent about five hours in recording (and re-recording, and re-recording…) the first episode. I stayed up until 2 AM to ensure it gets published. The WORK that I put in gave me joy. I like to believe I learned a wonderful lesson via the process and hence wanted to share it with you, dear reader.

I recently watched an IGTV video by Gary Vaynerchuk, wherein he said, sometimes you should just screw up on purpose to get over the fear of other peoples opinions. Subconsciously I kept thinking of it while I worked on the Podcast. It is okay to screw up as long the heart is in the right place, and the intention is to be of service.

When I started out with blogs, I never thought I’d get a dedicated readership of a few people at least. They matter the world to me now because whether or not my work reaches a vast number of people, to be of service to even one person is an immense blessing. I remind myself of the same idea yet again.

A final thought that I wish to share before I conclude the blog is from one of the most inspirational figures in my life, Dr Wayne Dyer:

“God writes all the music, God sings all the songs, God builds all the buildings, God is the source of all your achievements. I can hear your ego loudly protesting. Nevertheless, stay tuned to this idea.”

It never is about you. It’s always about allowing the divine to use you. Whether it is good or bad, don’t take it personally, just play the part. It is a very effective dose to keep you grounded and humble as well.

“I dedicate to the Lord whatever I do with my body, mind, sense organs, intellect, by self and by natural traits.”

Vishnu Sahastranamam, Uttar-Nyas, 33

Kushagra

P.S. below is the link for the first episode of the Podcast. 🙂 You can also find it on Anchor, Breaker, Google Podcasts (android only), Pocket Casts, Radio Public. To be made available on Apple Podcasts soon. 🤞🏽

2 thoughts on “On battling self-doubts

  1. Prashant Kumar

    Thanks for sharing quote by Dyer. I don’t want to be arrogant ever. Krshna abolished the seeds of arrogance in Arjuna. No one would come for my rescue. I want to be conscious forever that it is Shiva who is responsible for all of my achievements. I couldn’t do anything without him.

    Like

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